NO THANKS TO COVID I have been starved of human interaction. I have started talking to myself more than usual, and that’s saying something since I am, after all, my favorite person to talk to. I relate so well with myself, you know? Okay, too funny Faith, too funny….uhhh, where was I?
*stares blankly for what seems like an eternity, five minutes approximately*
ah, yes. The allusive human interaction, the isolation, the lack of, dare I say it, friendship. No one likes to admit that they don’t have friends because typically that means they’re not a good friend to begin with. At least, the skeptical, judgmental side of me always assumes that much and I assume I’m not the only one like that….*crickets*
I wouldn’t say I don’t have ANY friends, I have a few, but I don’t see them often. For instance, our small group used to get together (outside with masks on – for all you gestapo) every week but we were growing so much (by people, not individual weight gain) that we changed it to ladies and men alternating every other week. So my life revolves around this bible study; okay I’m being dramatic. I am a well rounded individual with friends outside of this small group, at least that’s what I tell myself. But seriously, our church doesn’t have childcare, although they will soon (PRAISE JESUS) so going has required more motivation. Our kids have no organized activities and rarely get together with other children. And of course the winter isn’t helping. There are days where I don’t set foot outside my home because the weather is bad and we literally have nothing going on, no MOPS, no bible studies, no hikes with Hike it Baby (yeah, they even shut that down. Hiking. Outside. With other moms.).
These covid days are all running together; I feel like time is standing still, like nothing I do matters. I haven’t worked out for months and sometimes I don’t know what I’m living for. Not seeing other people consistently has depleted my motivation and drive for life. Remember jeans? I used to wear those. When covid is over, I’m going to have a big bonfire where I burn all my sweatpants and masks. Here I am, my world seeming to small, with children that I love fiercely driving me crazy within these four walls; all the while, they are growing up. Seriously, childhood is so short and covid is taking up a chunk of theirs. I’m not saying they are to be pitied, I’m saying I need to get my act together!
Friendship is imperative for a mother to be a good mom. Today I went to the park with the kids and God placed the kindest christian mom of four there. I was so encouraged to talk to someone else, and wouldn’t you know it, she doesn’t live in Virginia and is going back home next week. But I’m grateful for the refreshing conversation and encouragement. I was asking her how she was capable of taking care of four kids four and under while her husband was deployed for months. She said that her church family has been extremely helpful; at one point she said something about how people often say something to the effect of “how can someone be so strong while facing such difficult circumstances” to which she responded by saying “you never know what someone has been through, that has led them to this point, and how they are dealing with their pain behind closed doors”. I imagine this to be true of all of us dealing with the different elements of covid: obviously there’s the threat of actually contracting covid, of seeing those you love suffer, and in my case and probably yours, the isolation of it all.
Despite isolation due to covid and seasonal depression, I am committed to getting together with families as much as possible, because the small, seemingly inconsequential interaction with the stranger at the park brought life into my heart. I am so blessed to be spending these long, wintry, pandemic days with those I love, my children and husband. I hold my baby close and smother him with kisses because despite the stress my children give me, they make my life sweet. We will all look back on this year and wonder, how did we make it through? But it was the events leading up to that year, and the people, the church, and Jesus that got us through, not only alive but with joy and vigor for life. And of course the wonderful thing about knowing Christ is, even if you don’t survive this year, there is eternal life awaiting each of us who know Christ. I cling to that hope on days like these, days where I truly feel sad, but grateful, grateful for another day of life with the ones I love (even if they do drive me CRAAAAZYYYYY!!!!).
Amateur Motherhood 