Sometimes, late at night, I monologue writing ideas to myself; thinking, this would make a great blog post, I should write about this tomorrow. Throughout the day, I have countless moments like that, where I think to myself, this is blog worthy stuff, only to be overwhelmed by the days tasks, countless silent prayers of “Lord give me patience” or “help me not to freak out” when my daughter pees herself or my toddler won’t nap, making food of some sort, and eventually collapsing into bed at the end of the day, all the while finding time to stay up too late talking and laughing about the day with my husband.
I’m in one of those seasons where, I tell people how many kids I have, three to be exact, and they almost always respond with “so you’re busy!” or my favorite, “you have your hands full” to which I always respond with a smile and an emphatic “yes” because heavens to betsy it’s TRUE. I AM BUSY AND LOOK AT MY HANDS. Sorry, didn’t mean to yell. Busy with leaning into this fleeting season only to be greeted by another change, another phase, where I have to re-evaluate my parenting and homemaking strategies. All the while, making my marriage a priority, so that when seasons change we change together. I’m not busy advancing in my career, I’m busy learning how to make a home a safe, loving place; something that has to start with me becoming a loving wife and mother. Easier said than done, right? Preachhhhh!!!
My family and I recently moved to the country where we have a bigger house with a lot more land, 10 acres to be exact; my husband bought a tractor and overalls and I’ve acquired a southern accent, it’s just something you sort of catch when you live out here with the “salt of earth” type people. But in all seriousness, it’s been wonderful. You know the feeling that once you reach point A or B or C (get ready y’all, I know the WHOLE alphabet) that then you will arrive and life will improve, whether that be a owning a home, getting married, having a child, or improved health, there’s that in between stage, the waiting. And it’s easy to believe that once your out of the woods the skies will always be clear from then on out. Most of us live our lives that way, looking forward to the next thing, college, marriage, then children, always believing that each subsequent thing will contribute more purpose to our lives. And of course living life that way, always looking forward, is not a bad thing; in fact I believe it’s a God given longing for heaven. And at some point, people reach an age where it seems like all they can do is look back, because most of their life is behind them, not in front of them like it was when they were 20 and pumped to start a career or get married.
Everyone has met someone like that, the “back in my day” people, and if you haven’t met someone like that than that’s probably because you are that person! Yeah, I’m talking to YOU! At some point it becomes natural to look back, but while doing so it’s easy to lose sight of the present: the grandchildren who want you to take an interest in what excites them, the friends who need encouragement, and of course looking towards heaven, your eternal home. I hope that no matter how old you and I have the joy of becoming that we will always look forward to the joy that awaits all who know Jesus as their Lord and Savior. Looking back is safe, looking forward is scary, but it’s necessary and exciting. Live in the present, thank God for the past, and anticipate the future, whether you 16 going on 17 or 96 going on 97.
Waiting to arrive, always looking forward, naively believing that life will be perfect once your plantar faciiatis goes away, or your little one learns how to go potty on the toilet, or until you lose the baby weight (all extremely random examples, none applicable to me in the least). But the truth is, you will always be waiting. There may be times of reprieve, and even moments where it’s obvious you are in the middle of God’s will, but so much of life is spent with plantar faciaties, so don’t waste the waiting. Motherhood can feel like the longest in-between waiting game and if we’re not careful we forget to take the fleeting time we have with our children, and stretch it. Stretch the time you spend in the car with your children by talking to them (what a novel idea), grow the time you have with your children by going on a walk to pick wildflowers, soak up the time with them by merely being present; enjoy the in-between because that’s called life. Whether you have always had a natural inclination towards motherhood or you never wanted to be a mother but here you are with a child who strangely enough calls you “mom”, your identity isn’t lost in an abyss of motherhood, you are merely adding all you were before to who you are now. God doesn’t call the equipped He equips the called. You may not feel like a natural homemaker but if you’re willing to submit to God, He will equip you and His grace is sufficient.
Mom’s feel like they have lost their identity, that they’re drowning in a sea of laundry and simply surviving, just waiting for the Littles to grow up so that they can have their body back, their career back, their clean house back. Don’t wish this season away because the grass looks greener on the other side. And if this season is running you ragged because your kids run the show, find ways to change that. There will always be stresses in this life, but there are ways to minimize that stress. Because of our move, we are closer to family, but even so, going on a date once a week can become such an event that it’s not sustainable for us to do every week. What has worked for us is putting the kids to bed early (for us that’s 7:30) and having an in-home date night. Last week we cooked steak, crispy potatoes, and kale salad; and we drank the most disgusting wine while cooking together but it was fun! My point is, motherhood doesn’t mean putting all fun things on hold until the kids are older; be creative and have adventures now.
Your children are joining your life. You are not joining their life. Kids are a lot more adaptable than we give them credit. Yes, a schedule is important but it’s also important to shake things up every once in a while because rolling with the punches is a great skill to teach your child. Last winter, every Saturday as a family we explored nearby small towns for the whole day. There was no agenda but to maybe find a cute coffee shop and explore. It felt spontaneous (especially when my daughter pooped her pants) and it was fun for the whole family, well except for when my daughter pooped her pants but hey, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and if that’s true I should be a bodybuilder. Sorry, I think that was a dad joke, I’ve been hanging out with my husband a lot lately.
Since moving, it feels like we are in the middle of God’s will and it’s hard to explain, but I have a peace that I didn’t have last year. That doesn’t mean the skies are always clear, that I never yell at my kids, or that my husband and I don’t fight, but it means that we have a peace that comes from God. Motherhood is hard, but so is life, and everyone everywhere is looking for hope. Show people the joys of motherhood, not the unrealistic, perfect picture that Instagram wants to prescribe, but the real, messy, grace filled mothering. Enjoy this phase of motherhood, and look forward to the next phase, whatever that is for you, but know deep down that the next big thing won’t give you all you’re longing for, that you will never truly arrive until you see Jesus face to face.
Amateur Motherhood 