Weight of Glory

Last year I turned 30 years old. I know that may not seem old to those of you who are older than that, but to those below the age of 20, I should be picking out my tombstone engraving (here’s your friendly reminder, it’s never too early to be prepared for life insurance). Almost everything in life can be chalked up one way or the other with “perspective”. There are many sayings/quotes to help people cope with aging, the act of getting older and closer to one’s DEMISE or ETERNAL GLORY. One being “age is just a number” which I like to add on “with HUGE implications” which doesn’t normally go over well. Everyone has family members who reject the notion that death awaits them, avoiding the subject their entire lives. I’ve never wanted to do that, and I’ve also never wanted to fear death because if I do, it means my faith is useless. The entire reason Christ died on the cross was to set us free from the sting of death, and while I do fear dying, I hope to approach death itself with a faith that encourages my children and my children’s children.

My grandma died last year; in the last 10 years of her life she battled Alzheimer’s. At the beginning, the memory loss was minor and seemingly inconsequential but with each year it exponentially increased until she almost completely lost herself inside her mental jail.  I loved my Mimi so much; in High School I called her weekly to lament/vent about all my teenage drama which she absolutely loved.  She consistently asked me if there was any special boy in my life, which she continued to ask me after I was married and had four kids.  

“Faith, is there any special young man in your life?” She’d ask 

“Yes Mimi, my husband of 7 years is quiet the special young man” 

And with tears filling her eyes she grabbed my hand desperately and said, “I’m going crazy, Faith. I’m so sorry.”

Anytime I visited my Mimi at her Assisted Living facility with my husband, Hunter, she couldn’t pin who I was because Hunter threw her off; she would remember who I was if I was visiting without him, but with him she was confused.  My Mimi had such a strong faith that even when she couldn’t quite remember who I was, she prayed with and for Hunter and me. One time, before leaving we asked to pray with her and Papa, and despite not knowing our names she always wanted to pray too. 

God, please be with this young couple as they are getting married, please bless their marriage. Thank you for our friends from Hessel (an old church that they had many friends from).

Despite being married for 7 years and not ever attending Hessel church, Mimi knew that she loved me, despite not knowing exactly who I was to her. I treasure those last confused prayers over me. 

I grew up with Mimi and Papa very involved in my life. Mimi taught me about friendship, she was a good friend to so many people, she taught me about prayer, and she taught me how to make people laugh, meaning she always laughed at me; I don’t mean I would fall out of a tree and she’d laugh, that’s what brothers do, not grandmas.  But, she thought I had a great sense of humor and I could always count on making Mimi laugh, something I still very much enjoy, making people laugh.  

Mimi loved fashion and I’m sure it pained her to witness my emo phase/Twilight phase.  A phase that lasted a couple months, and considering one day would have been too long, a couple months is a mark on my record. Every year for my birthday she would take me shopping and basically revamp my homeschool wardrobe.  I was permitted to spend $40 on anything I wanted but if I chose to go shopping with her she would often spend more because the gift of shopping was as much a gift for me as it was for her.  She loved it. One year I chose to use all my money on converse, shoes that ended up being way too big, and for some reason I didn’t return them and get the right size.  One of my biggest regrets to this day.  Not only did I miss out on spending quality time with Mimi, something I thought I would never run out of, but I also got ridiculously huge looking converse, at a very vulnerable time in one’s life.  The stakes are too high in Junior High.

We went to the same church as Mimi and Papa until I was maybe 8 years old, so I grew up seeing Mimi worship.  As a little girl I thought, Mimi must be so spiritual since worship makes her cry so much.  I can’t imagine how I could make myself cry right now, but it would probably look good if I did. 

I didn’t think my time with Mimi was so limited, but now I realize that all the time we have here on earth is not only by definition limited but also feels fleeting.  On Mimi’s death bed she was hallucinating and thought she was pregnant, and she kept trying to get out of bed, unaware that her body wasn’t capable of standing.  She also talked of people who had been dead for a long time as if they were living.  At one point I asked if she needed anything, mishearing me, she looked at me incredulously and said  “Am I skinny? What do you think?” and having spent the majority of her adult life overweight I’m pretty sure she was being funny, but I can’t be sure.  At the end, I brought Helen, who was newborn, and Parker or Joy to see her weekly.  She loved holding Helen, who was named after Mimi’s Aunt Helen; her Aunt Helen and babies always brought her so much joy.  She often didn’t know who I was, but despite that, she always said “I love you, darlin’” and I know she did because she spent her life telling me that in those exact words.  

It’s so painful to watch someone you love die; it puts everything you believe to the test.  When God said Adam and Eve would die for their sin, not only would they die, they would also grow old.  I’m not looking forward to growing old and dying but I know every hardship I face, including memory loss, incontinence (very unpleasant reality), and physical pain will not compare with the relief and joy when face to face with Jesus, hearing those sweet words “well done good and faithful servant”.

For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18