It’s 2022 and the New Years Resolutions are rolling in. If you want to be basic go for either losing weight, eating healthier, or maybe spending more time outside. Whatever it is, it probably doesn’t actually matter in the grand scheme of things (motivational speaker, yeah?), and that’s not to say those things don’t matter because of course they do however I wonder if they matter as much as we think they do. We can all review the years past to help us make educated new year resolutions; for me, I’m making mine based on some recent information about a friend’s child.
It’s a strange thing, to die at a young age, to never grow old and to, in a sense have time stand still while the rest of the world continues to grow older. This past year, our small group leaders from our former church, lost their daughter, Gabriella Brooke Thorn, to dilated cardiomyopathy at the young age of 4 years old. They recently announced that their second born, Lucy (3), has been diagnosed with the same heart condition.
So while new years resolutions vary in degrees of gravitas, nothing matters more than loving our fellow man like Jesus did when He laid down His life for us on the cross. For those reading this, it’s easier to not think about Lucy, or her parents who are walking an unthinkable journey. But for those of us who know Christ and the power of prayer, we need to be willing to feel only an ounce of what they’re feeling to know that they need Jesus now more than ever. Pray that God would save Lucy’s life, give her a new heart, either miraculously or by medical intervention, and of course to not only spare Tim and Amanda any more grief but to bless them abundantly and restore to them what has been so callously ripped away.
In light of this sobering information I’ve been trying to soak up every moment, to not tarnish it with a discontent spirit. Yesterday I watched my oldest as he played outside in the snow and thought of the Thorn family. I want to be present for the simple pleasures of life because this life is fleeting, like watching Parker take a walkie talkie into the woods so he could explore on his own, or watching my daughter’s imagination take flight as she entertains herself playing pretend with literally anything, she especially gravitates towards food coming alive, or stacking blocks for my toddler only to have him gleefully and predictably knock them down.
As a mom, I can get so caught up in having a clean house, decluttering, decorating, working out, and while these things aren’t bad, there is a tendency to idolize these self-help goals from a spirit of discontent, control, or pride. The longer I’m “adulting”, so to speak, the more I realize just how little control we all have. I’ve heard it said that control is an illusion; I think I’m in control because I’m a self diagnosed obsessive compulsive control freak but what about when the rug is truly ripped out from underneath? Working out and having an organized house can only help so much.
This past June I witnessed an amazing thing at the funeral of Gabriella (4), where her parents Tim and Amanda, worshiped the God who gives and takes away, even to the point of raising hands in worship. I’m far removed from the situation the Thorns are facing, but it’s not hard to imagine the devastation and loss it would be to lose Parker abruptly and soon after face the same diagnoses with Joy. I believe God will make all things clear in the end, but right now nothing makes sense.
A couple weeks ago my husband and I went to a Bed and Breakfast to celebrate our 6th anniversary, leaving our kids overnight for the first time. Our goal was to do things we can’t normally do with kids so we went trail running, hiking, rock climbing, and of course (randomly) antique shopping. We sound pretty cool, right? I’ve been trying to physically push myself because for the first time in forever, five years to be exact, I’m not nursing or pregnant and whenever I’m pregnant it’s all I can do to not only eat ice cream and chips. But hey, no matter how much of a couch potato, as long as I continue to wear North Face and Patagonia people will think I’m super outdoorsy; it’s all about the aesthetic (life motto right there). For example, when we went rock climbing some people on the trail were praising our ability to climb, saying they wished they could come watch us (that would have been embarrassing); meanwhile, we each climbed only one time because we got started too late in the day and I had a mild panic attack right before the top. We’re definitely no Alex Honnald.
Hunter and I have been so blessed by our children, but like all good things it’s been extremely challenging. It’s pathetic but I was feeling sorry for myself a couple weeks ago, envying the people I knew who could just get up and go wherever whenever, and so out of a spirit of wanting to feel “normal” and in control again I started working out. We all have coping mechanisms when life isn’t going the way we want, ways we deal with discontentment that don’t actually get to the root of the problem.
I have been working out to prove to myself (and probably to others too) that I can “do it all”, that I’m a capable mom, and while I think it’s actually a godly thing to care for your health, to do so from a spirit of control is foolish because every breath is a gift from God and when a storm hits, I won’t care one bit about how long I can run, the clothes I’m wearing, the car I drive, the size of my bank account, the list goes on, suddenly the things that matter become all that matter. This translates to all aspects of life, whether you identify so deeply with being the most intelligent, the most attractive, the most stylish, the most athletic, [fill in the blank], to find your identity in such a superficial foundation is futile because eventually a storm will hit.
The Thorns have been in the middle of a scary storm for some time now; not only are they in midst of grieving the loss of their eldest child, Gabby, they are fighting for the life of their second born, Lucy. Please join me in praying for the Thorn family; ask the Lord to show you how to pray for them, it can be a challenge to know where to start. What’s true despite the circumstances is that Jesus is the only foundation that can handle any storm, He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
Amateur Motherhood 